Good day sir,
I made an essay for the TOEFL practice on internet and I am interested to review it, and give me a feedback of what should I improve to my grammar and my future essays
When exercising, some people prefer to exercise indoors at a gym or sports center, and others prefer to exercise outdoors. Compare these two choices. Which do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.
In the world there exists millions of people who are practicing to increase their muscles. Because the population is so big, there are a lot of persons who prefer to practice indoor or outdoor. The choose is given by their mentalities. I think the people who prefer in indoor is because they want to see their self in a mirror when they are practicing. Also I think they prefer to be in a gym to see the other persons who practiced for a long period of time, and you can see them building their muscles. So they can know their performance and what they can really do if you will go to a gym. They can see others as a model and maybe they will be motivated more to do sports and to go with a frequency to a gym center.
To do outdoor for me means to make practice at your home, or in a yard. If you will not go to a gym center then you must not pay hundreds of dollars per month only to go and to make some muscles, because you can do at your home. I think the most important is the motivation to create a perfect body not where and with who you make muscles. I think a person who will try to do gym annually they spend about one or two thousands of dollars. For example I prefer to stay at home and to make gym by my self without any couch or trainer(because you must pay him) and I can train how much I can do in that day. I payed for a halter about 30 bucks, and I bought two of them, and I can practice in each day using it, trying to build a perfect body.
In conclusion the advantages if you will make an outdoor practice is that you will not pay o a lot of money for a couch and tools to make body building, because usually it is very expensive. You can do at any time you want, so you will not to be scheduled to a specific time, because maybe you are bussy in that time. A dissavantage is that you will not have a couch but this is not a problem because you can download and view different movies of well known trainers of body building on your computer. They explain exactly what you will need to do, and it is free. Using money saved in one year then you can buy a sophisticated tool to increase your body's muscles faster.
The essay has only one paragraph at the body. A body should involve at least three paragraphs. I think you should improve the structure of the essay at the first step. The topic asks to discuss two viewpoints and compare them. So, the structure that I wrote below, can be an appropriate one for writing about such topic:
1) Introduction:Motivator+restate the topic+blueprint
2) Body (consists of three paragraphs: a) discuss the first viewpoint, b)discuss the second viewpoint, and c) compare the views and give your opinion. You should also mention that you agree with which one)
3) conclusion (Reword the first paragraph or the topic and then write an ending statement
In the world there exists millions of people who are practicing to increase their muscles. (Do you think people practice only to increase their muscle?) Because the population is so big, there are many people who prefer to practice indoor or outdoor. ( Rather use this. Choice varies from person to person. ) I think some prefer indoor because they want to see themselves in a mirror when they are practicing. Also I think they prefer to be in a gym to see the other peopleto learn from them.( how do you think checking other people who practice for a long time will help them?) and So they can know their performance and what they can really do if you will go to a gym. ( Can you explain what you meant here? The Structure is not correct and the idea is not properly written.) They can see others as a model and this will motivatethem to go to a gym center regularly.
I have corrected some mistakes. But you need to work on your sentence structure. Do not try to include many ideas in a single sentence.
I think it could be better if you put more body paragraphs.
Also, I found one grammar mistake.
The choose is given by their mentalities -> The choice is given by their mentalities.
Thank you very much!
In the world there exist millions of people who are practicing to increase their muscles.
Because the population is so big, there are a lot of people who prefer to practice either indoors or outdoors .
The choice is made by their mentalities.
I think the people who prefer indoor sports is because they want to see themselves in a mirror when they are practicing.
To do it outdoors for me means to make practice at your home, or in a yard.
... hundreds of dollars per month only to go and to make some muscles, because you can do that at your home.
In conclusion, the advantages to having an outdoor practice is that you will not pay a lot of money for a coach and tools to do body building, because usually it is very expensive.
Some people swear by the treadmill. Others can't wait for the warm weather and the opportunities for outdoor exercise that come with it. But while you might think it comes down to personal preference, there's a small body of research that suggests outdoor exercise might have even more health benefits than a trip to the gym.
The most recent study polled nearly 2,000 active participants in the 2008 Scottish Health Survey and found that outdoor physical activity had a 50 percent greater positive effect on mental health than going to the gym. The researchers, from Glasgow University, found that walking, running, biking and other outdoor activities through green space lowered stress, The Telegraph reported.
It's not the first study to suggest outdoor exercise boosts mental health, but lead researcher Richard Mitchell, Ph.D., told The Telegraph that while the results themselves aren't surprising, the extent to which outdoor exercise beats out indoor activity is. "I wasn't surprised by the findings that exercise in natural environments is good for your mental health, but I was surprised by just how much better it is for your mental health to exercise in a green place like a forest, than in other places like the gym," he said. "The message to doctors, planners and policy makers is that these places need protecting and promoting."
A 2011 study found that outdoor exercise was associated with greater decreases in tension, confusion, anger and depression when compared to indoor activity. And a 2010 study found that even just five minutes of exercise in a green space can improve mood and self-esteem, the BBC reported.
But there are other reasons to take your next sweat session outside. Click through the benefits below, then add your personal reasons for exercising outside in the comments!
For more on fitness and exercise, click here.
Benefits Of Outdoor Exercise